Some people call it ‘brain fog’ or ‘fibro fog’. I call it the “floxie feeling” (derived from “floxed” used by those with Fluoroquinolone Toxicity). I have days where I literally feel drunk and feel it is unsafe to “operate heavy machinery”. I can’t find any rhyme or reason to it. There have been no medication changes, lack of sleep, or foods that seem to be the culprit. On these days of feeling inebriated; I stumble when I walk, drop things incessantly, my face feels numb, and cannot have a single clear thought. It feels as if I have been to the local bar and kicked back more than just a few. Believe it or not this feels just as frustrating as days when my pain is unbearable.
On normal days, I already have difficulty with my memory. I can’t think of people’s names I have known for years, word finding problems, and can’t multi-task. I used to complain “pre-floxing” that my first child took half my brain and the second took what was left. I THOUGHT I had memory problems. Now I KNOW I do. It is all on a different level now. I do really dumb things now, like give my husband's birthday for myself when going to vote. Luckily I was able to laugh it off when the lady said VERY loudly, “This isn’t your birthday!” in front of both strangers and friends.
My cognition has improved tremendously from those first few months though. At that point I could not follow a television show; unless it was one I had seen a million times, which pretty much limited me to Disney’s Hannah Montana or Wizards of Waverly Place. Forget reading at that point. I could not even complete a sentence, and would have to re-read the simplest statements to even begin to comprehend it. Even though I could not read a sentence, oddly I could compose one. Of course that was after what seemed like hundreds of rewrites and corrections. I still can’t read complex information. I often just throw it to my husband and say “Read this, and then tell me about it.” My writing is still better than my comprehension. I know somewhere along the way of my OT studies I learned the reason for this. I know that comprehension and expression are in different areas of the brain. I guess one was spared more than the other for me.
'Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'
'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.
'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.
Math, oh that is something else all together. My daughter has given up asking me for help with her math homework. I cannot do even simple computations. I have to rely on my twelve-year-old to get me through a game of Monopoly. Is this the right change? Should I buy this? How much do they owe me with all of the utilities? One night at my daughter’s basketball game, the coach asked me if I would collect money of those entering. I literally felt panicked inside. I can’t even count change anymore! On top of that I was to remember the faces of those who had paid versus those who had not. Not a great task for someone with no math or memory skills. Couldn’t they have hand stamps?? I know- I will get my husband to sit with me and make sure I am doing it correctly. The next thing I know he is asked to keep score. Well, there goes that plan. I somehow made it through, although it was not the easy task it should have been. I am sure I made quite a few mistakes, and if I remember correctly, got a few confused looks. I wish I could wear a sign around my neck for situations like this. “Please be kind to the woman in the chair. She lost her quick thinking skills due to Levaquin.” It is one of those “invisible illness” misfortunes.
My family is starting to catch on to this “floxie feeling”. Don’t ask Mom to drive anywhere. Leave really big notes on the kitchen counter such as…."Mom do laundry today!" Chime in at the doctor’s office when they want to know a birthday. Be ready to fill in the blanks when Mom stops mid-sentence and can’t remember a word.
For some reason when I have this really bad, I sing to myself, “You’ve Got that Floxie Feeling” to the tune of “You’ve Lost that Lovin Feeling”. Try it, it works.
You’ve got that floxie feeling,
Oh, that floxie feeling,
And now it’s gone, gone, gone, oh oh oh.
Well, at least I was left with some sense of humor.
