It Sucks!

This week I asked my husband to be a “guest writer” for my blog.  I thought it would be nice to hear from a family member’s perspective.  He agreed, under the condition that I would not change the content, only help correct grammatical errors etc. So here is his account of me being floxed, warts and all…….

Hello.   For a change Lori is not writing today’s blog, but rather me – her wonderful, fantastic, awesome husband.   (Of course, Lori’s would challenge that statement).   I have never written a blog, but Lori told me to just be honest about how her being “floxed” has impacted me and the kids.   With that in mind, I told her the title would be very honest and easy – because “It sucks!”

Guess I’ll start at the beginning.  The phrase “life can turn on a dime” comes to mind.   You see, I took Lori to the doctor the day she had her IV of Levaquin.   She went in very sick from food poisoning.  After about two hours and two IVs of fluid she started to be like her normal self; and then came the deadly IV!   She immediately started feeling bad.   Within thirty minutes she was in very bad pain and our life has not been the same since.   If I had not been there and seen it for myself, I would have a hard time believing a drug that is suppose to make you better did this to her.  But I witnessed it first-hand.   Boy do we wish we could go back in time and change that day.   Granted, Lori is not alone.   After all, many good people throughout the world have had their lives changed instantly; be it a car wreck, finding out you have cancer, or being floxed.   For any life changing event like that; it sucks!

Little did I understand how much that day would not only change Lori’s life, but all of our family’s.  For years, we have joked (with a lot of truth) that Lori is the CEO of our household.  She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, took the kids to school, made sure everyone got to appointments, etc.   Meanwhile, I focused on career and making sure we could pay the bills, pay for the kids’ college, and have something left over for retirement.   After being floxed, things have had to change dramatically with all of us doing more and relying on Mom a lot less.   Now keep in mind, Lori has her way of doing all those household things.   Since I have been reasonably successful in my career; I don’t like being told I’m doing simple chores the wrong way.   Who cares how the freaking towels are folded!   Now, Lori and I can find logical ways to solve these daily living issues.   However, the situation does bring about new relationship and emotional problems.   Okay, let me be blunt.   Lori and I rarely argued, but now they are much more common, and the arguments are mostly over stupid stuff.   We sometimes joke we love each other but don’t really like each other.  .…Hmmm; well to be honest we are often not joking with each other. :(  Even after nine months, we have not successfully conquered these new relationship and emotional issues which comes with being floxed.   It Sucks!

While the daily living issues can be frustrating, it is even more frustrating seeing someone you love in pain most of the day.   And the worst part is not being able to do anything about it.   I am probably like a typical husband.  Even if Lori just wants to vent and talk about her pain, I still want to try to fix it.   The thing is; I know we are past being able to fix it.   Both of us have researched extensively and we have made sure she has seen the best doctors; but there is still no “fix”.   On top of that, I am not a very compassionate person.   Lori probably needs a lot more emotional support from me, but I know I fall short in this category.   Maybe I’m still in an anger or denial stage.   Mostly, I just feel a loss for words.   When she tells me she’s in pain, the only thing I can think of to say is a simple “sorry”.   That doesn’t quite seem to do justice for the pain.    Because she is in pain, anything touching her hurts – so hugging or cuddling is not practical.    Of course, if we had one of our fights about the normal daily stuff, then I wouldn’t want to hug her to begin with. :)   It really just pisses me off (can I say that in a blog?) that the doctors don’t have something to take away more of the pain.   It Sucks!

Now generally I am a private person, but I am going to open up here.   Lori’s floxing really depresses me because it has crushed many of my personal dreams.  You see, I love to travel and do many things while on vacation.   However, now I realize there is no way Lori and I can do all the future plans I had for us.   Yes, we will work in some travel, but not to the degree I was hoping for.   African safaris, whitewater rafting in New Zealand, walking on the China wall, and especially spending time in the Italian wine country; may never happen.   Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up.   I’m already researching motor homes to buy when we retire so we can visit all the great National Parks.   My thought is Lori could travel with a nice recliner chair to rest most of the day.   I do recognize we have been blessed in that we have already taken many wonderful vacations as a family – Hawaii, London, New York, DC, and many more.   However, whenever your future hopes and dreams are “stomped on” it is still depressing.  It Sucks!

I hope all of that made some sense.   I know Lori has really enjoyed writing this blog and getting everyone’s feedback.   The online social community has been very therapeutic for her.   Even though we have been married twenty-one plus years, she can still surprise me.   After fifteen years of marriage, I finally heard her sing.  It was a Latin solo for our church.  It was beautiful!   As a mother, she will fight, fight and keep on fighting for her kids.   Our daughter has epilepsy and insurance companies are now scared of her!   Now her passion is advocacy for all of those being floxed.  Little did I or others know that she is an excellent writer!   Granted, she might not get a cure for herself, but she is making a difference so that fewer people will ever have to say – “I got floxed”.

Thanks for reading!